The City Goes to Bed

perfectcruelty @ 2006-12-05T08:40:00

2006-12-05T16:40:29Z

108.2 this morning! I'm kind of thinking it's possible for me to be 107.5 tomorrow morning. fingers crossed

perfectcruelty @ 2006-11-27T10:26:00

2006-11-27T18:26:43Z

New journal again, I needed a blank slate I guess. Anyways, add me there, and don't make fun of me for getting really fat :(
toxic_sanity

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-30T23:44:00

2006-10-31T04:45:43Z

ate about 700 today, not so bad, going to the gym tomorrow and I'm done with class at 11. the more I can sleep during the day the less I eat so thats good news

come onnnn 110 by sat

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-30T15:57:00

2006-10-30T21:19:35Z

112.8 this morning

gross

haven't eaten yet today, not going to until I go to dinner for my friends bday. I'm not worried about that becuase it's italian food and it's easy to get salad. I plan on being 110 by saturday. I really think I can do it *fingers crossed*

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-27T18:27:00

2006-10-27T22:33:16Z

I had a revelation in the shower last night (it's where all my revelations happen) after like my 8th night of binging in a row. Maybe not a revelation so much as a total change of heart. I was half assing this for a while. Like as long as I didn't eat lunch I could have a peice of cake or something. I thought that as long as I stayed in my calorie range it didn't matter how I did it. well, eating 500 cals a day of cake and cookies is gross. It doesn't let me eat that much and I feel yucky. I finally had a good day today, and I'm not tempted by the junk that's overtaking my dorm. So far I've had a sugar free redbull and a bowl of honey nut cherios. It's about 6:30 and I'm going to the dining hall for a big salad in a little bit. I gained a lot, and I need to at least be back towards the lower end of my normal when I get home. thank goodness for turn arounds

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-24T22:44:00

2006-10-25T02:48:35Z

I'm not happy. I miss my friends, I miss home. I love my school but I'm lonely. I have friends here but they don't know me like my high school friends. I know it takes time but I'm tired of waiting. I'm getting fatter everyday, I'm far from home, and I feel like I have no one to turn to here. That isn't how I imagined college. I really do love this school I just have to remind myself sometimes.

anyways, ate 820 cals today, going for about 400 tomorrow. I HATE being this heavy, I don't evem recognize my reflection.

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-24T17:00:00

2006-10-24T21:00:52Z

ummmmm somehow I weighed 115 pounds this morning. that makes NO sense. this is so fucking disgusting. I've never felt so out of place in my own skin.

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-24T00:43:00

2006-10-24T04:46:56Z

I can never decide where my head is about weight loss. I can convince myself I don't are, eat the world, gain weight, then all of a sudden I get super depressed about it. That's where I'm at now. the pill has fucked with my head pretty hardcore and I find myself crying at the littlest things. I'm also at my heighest weight in over a year. So gross. I'm ready to give this another try though, and for my own sake I'm gong to post my stats and everything

age- 18
height- 5'3"
HW- I dont know, about 114
CW- 112
LW- 97/96

this morning I was 112.2

ate about 620 calories.

I'm super hungry though, so I'm guessing that my eating and snacking habits lately have sped my metabolism a little. I feel disgusting

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-11T11:48:00

2006-10-11T15:49:26Z

It's raining outside, I'm in my dorm in a blanket with sugar free hot chocolate.

I'm so happy :)

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-10T20:55:00

2006-10-11T01:02:17Z

binged twice since my last post. sooo gross. 1 was really bad, last night's was bearable. Today was good though

salad: 95

fruit salad w/ pudding: 130

half a poptart: 100

carbolite and strawberries: 60

total: 385

and I rounded up!

Took kickboxing tonight too, and lifted some weights, burnt around 360.

I ordered my scale a week ago, where is it??? ahhhh

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-06T23:56:00

2006-10-07T03:56:26Z

went too high today, about 800, still ok thoug it prevented a binge. so tired

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-06T02:19:00

2006-10-06T06:21:01Z

I decided I couldn't sleep so I did an hour long intermmediate pilates workout. I don't know what has gotten into me but that's another 150 or so burnt so I'm finally at zero for the day

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-05T23:57:00

2006-10-06T04:02:39Z

oo I did so well today! I'm really excited. And I'm starving, alone in my dorm, surrounded by junk food AND I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT! I swear I'm having a break through

coffee with skim milk and a little SF hot chocolate- 43

carbolite w/ strawberries- 60

salad w/ flaked tuna- 117

soy crisps- 90

fruit salad- 74

total: 382

and I took kickboxing today which burnt about 330 and then ran up about 20 flights of stairs, another 40, so I'm reallly close to being at 0 for the day.

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-05T04:27:00

2006-10-05T04:27:52Z

I need a cig

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-04T21:08:00

2006-10-05T01:12:22Z

dried mango- 94

sugar free popsicle- 15

oatmeal- 120

tortilla chips- 70

hummus- 25

coolwhip- 25

salad w/ fat free
reduced calorie dressing- 50

total: 399

yayyy under 500! Burnt 150 on the treadmill and another 85 or so lifting weights. not perfect but progress, and progress is good

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-03T23:06:00

2006-10-04T03:09:17Z

2 apples- 160

almonds- 125

cucumber- 50

dried mango- 60

carbolite- 50

total: 445

walked about 3 miles too, and ran up 10 flights of stairs. I still need to do better but I've been off track for so long, I'll take it

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-03T00:16:00

2006-10-03T04:17:23Z

damnit. edit to earlier post, got hungry and had some apples and chicken soup. stupid stupid stupid stupid. that's another 200 probably. DAMNIT

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-02T19:04:00

2006-10-02T23:07:05Z

bagel (gutted)
with cream cheese
and lox: 241

grapfruit: 64

cookies: 150

total: 455

not bad. I figure if I'm at around 500 a day I'll lose 2 pounds of actual weight a week, 8 pounds this month. so far so good

perfectcruelty @ 2006-10-01T00:41:00

2006-10-01T04:41:01Z

For everyone who is bored:
Fill this out if your on my friends list, and vice versa. =D

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
2. What's your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

perfectcruelty @ 2006-09-29T02:23:00

2006-09-29T06:23:50Z

I'm going to be active in livejournal again. I'll start commenting on everyone's entries I promise! xoxo

perfectcruelty @ 2006-09-18T09:46:00

2006-09-18T13:48:39Z

did HORRIBLE this weekend. my family came to visit and I was so wrapped up in them that I just ate and ate and ate. gross. Liquid fasting today, maybe tomorrow too we'll see. I got lollipops with hoodia in them!! I ordered them months ago and now they are here, yayyy. so they're allowed on my liquid fast becuase I decided that. umm that's all, gained weight this weekend, "making a pact to eat healthier" with 2 of my friends so that should help keep me on track. blahhh i feel gross

perfectcruelty @ 2006-09-15T03:17:00

2006-09-15T07:21:28Z

I kind of sucked today haha. Yesterday was my first good day in a while but today I was probably at around 1000 cals. The weird thing though is that I'm still kind of hungry so I'm hoping that my metabolism is back up to a relatively normal rate. I'm thinking I'll try and mix up my calorie intake. so like liquid fast, then 500, then under 1000 and back again. Who knows. I don't. oh well I'm finally back to wanting to restrict as opposed to just half trying. I hate dragging this exxtra weight around and I won't get to weigh myself until end of nov. I need to do really really really well until then so that even if I screw up I'll be in double digits.

perfectcruelty @ 2006-09-13T09:50:00

2006-09-13T13:50:16Z

liquid fasting today

perfectcruelty @ 2006-08-25T02:30:00

2006-08-25T06:41:07Z

so I LOVE college. I've been good about eating well and walking a lot anddd even though I've been to frat parties both nights in a row I haven't touched any alcohol. My scale said 102 this morning but I don't believe it. it was fucking cheap and now I see why

broccoli and carrots- 75

2 sugar free popsicles- 30

fat free/sugar free meringues- 40

chocolate chip cookie- 48

pop corn- 145

fat free milk (for coffee)- 45

total: 383

perfectcruelty @ 2006-08-23T01:01:00

2006-08-23T05:02:24Z

cals for today: around 450

yay

oh ya, and I move into my dorm tomorrow... yay life on my own